Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Yes: Oswald's World

One place I would really to live would be in Oswald's world.

Look at that picture above. There is not one bad thing happening there.  It looks like the snowman is about to plop himself into that trash can, but that's just the trippy 2D imaging.  He's not going into that trash. Because that would be sort of bad and nothing truly bad ever happens in Oswald's world.

Oswald was a show on Nick Jr that aired from 2001 to 2004 and starred a big blue octopus named Oswald.  During this time, my son was young and as such, I was exposed to a whole bunch of kid's shows.

There sure are a lot of shows out there now for kids. When I was young, it was Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood and The Electric Company.  I sat through the latter two but really only liked Sesame Street.  No kid actually likes Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood -- that show is more of an hipster adult jam, really. The Electric Company sucked.  At least that's how I remember it. Probably because I often watched these shows back-to-back when I was sick. By the time The Electric Company came on, late afternoon and when fevers tend to peak, I was delirious and miserable.  Plus, I think it was packed with bad 70's stuff like trippy fonts and crappy clothing. I don't like that stuff at all.

Oswald, by contrast, is blissfully narcotic.  His albeit crazy-ass world somehow manages to feel very uncrazy (and crazy can be bad, recall) but instead, soothing.  Next time you have a bout of insomnia or are feeling stressed, cue up an episode or two of Oswald on YouTube.  Could be you just saved yourself a month of co-pays for therapy and a Xanax prescription.

Enough to buy yourself, say, a tiny hat:

Here's more reasons why I would like to live in Oswald's world:
  • Anthropomorphia.  Any time you can put a face and legs on something inanimate and make it talk, I say do it! In Oswald's world, there are talking flowers, talking trees, a pumpkin-headed guy who isn't scary at all and best, a set of identical twin eggs.  Twin eggs! 
  • Soothing surrealism.  I like Salvador Dali as much as the next gal, but sometimes his images can be sort of jarring, can't they?  Oswald's world is packed with surreal images but all of the soothing variety.  In Oswald's world, a wiener dog can absolutely look like an actual hot dog. A baseball can be a house, a lemon can be a taxi and paper airplanes fly all day long. It's super great and never jarring.  And nobody cuts themselves all up and rolls around in the sand in an effort to impress their fiancee as Dali reportedly did.
  • Ice cream.  Lots of it.  Everyone eats ice cream in this place. And there's no worrying about noxious farts from lactose intolerance or fat thighs packed into too-small jeans, ever.
  • Coexisting.  In the episode "The Tomato Garden." snails eat Oswald's tomato plants. Do you think he sprays them dead with nasty chemicals?  Nope. He shares by giving the snails their very own plants while keeping some for himself.  He makes a tomato restaurant for the snails! You can "Coexist" with your bumper stickers of crosses, moons and stars all you like.  In Oswald's world, nobody needs that lofty shit.  
  • Right: tiny hats. Bonus: jauntily placed!  
  • The music:

That opening theme is like a narcotic drip all by itself.    

Too, you know when you watch Oswald that no one is gonna yell "HEY YOU GUYS!" at you just as your fever peaks and you lean over to puke into the Tupperware bowl that your mom placed next to you, just in case.

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