No: Disneylandworld

Fuck this shit. Seriously.

I've never been to Disneyland -- or it is Disney World? There's two, aren't there? I don't care, I'm not Googling to find out.

Disneylandworld has many things I don't like:

• Long lines. If I'm going to wait in a long line, it's going to be for something that might involve Bob Mould and free kittens -- not for some over-hyped pirate ride.
• In fact, pirates. When did everyone start loving pirates?  Pirates and bacon are very big these days.  I don't really like either. 
• Mickey Mouse. He doesn't even look like a mouse.
• Star Wars.  I think Disney bought Lucasfilms.  There was brief hubbub about something like this on my Facebook news feed a while back. I know everyone loves Star Wars but I just don't. I saw the film in 1977 when it was released. It was good.  That's pretty much all I have to say about Star Wars.
• Throngs of adults acting like giant children.  There's "childlike" and "childish." I don't like the latter and you can bet your britches there's tons of that crap happening in Disneylandword all day long. 
• It is decidedly not a "small world."  I drove to Nashville once. It took a long time.
• That hidden penis on The Little Mermaid VHS cover years back. No one likes sneaky penises. There is no way I'm being surprised by a penis in Space Mountain.  

I think maybe the thing I would hate most of all about Disneylandworld is there's too damn much of it. Plus, Epcot -- I don't even know what the hell goes on over there. Admission is $95 to just to get into the "Magic Kingdom." I'd be running around that place desperate to get my money's worth and I'd end up not seeing a damn thing.

There's only one thing I might like about that place and that's Bambi.

But I don't need to go to this loopy place to see him.