Saturday, August 9, 2014

No: Sammich and Tummy (and Throwing Up a Little)

How cute is this?

There are two words that annoy the crap out of me when I hear adults use them: "sammich" and "tummy."

As mentioned here, I'm not a fan of adults affectedly globbering about like giant children.  9 times out of ten, when an adult tries to act  "cute" for anyone other than possibly their significant other, they fail hugely and instead, become grotesque.

Here's why I particular dislike "sammich" and "tummy:"
  • Sammich: I was a kid once. I never, ever said or even heard the word "sammich."  You know what I said when referring to two pieces of bread with something inside them? Sandwich.
  • Tummy: if you are over age 12, you should not use this word in reference to yourself.  Instead, use "stomach" or "abdomen." "Belly" is okay if referring to a protruding abdomen as in "pregnancy belly" or "beer belly." I will grudgingly accept the phrase "tummy tuck," only as it's become commonly used when referring to cosmetic abdominal surgery.  But if I hear you say that your husband has "a tummy ache," I will possibly *throw up gallons of steaming, rancid vomit on your shoes and it will probably splash in your eyes a little.  

*Not in the Adult Infant category but equally annoying: when I hear the phrase "I just threw up in my mouth a little," I completely fill up my pants with shit a little. "I just threw up in my mouth a little," is overused and in most cases, not true. You did not just throw up in your mouth a little. You merely read something unsavory to you and it caused you a bit of discomfort.  Each time I read "I just threw up in my mouth a little," I seriously and absolutely cut off my own hand and start eating it a little.  Please stop using this phrase.

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